Wednesday, September 23, 2009
If I could stay in school 24/7 it would all be ok. But I can't so it isn't. But for the first time in a bit, I am ok. I am better than ok, I am good. I am content. All it took was an act of kindness, an act of cuteness, and an act of complete spontaneity. A new hole, new people, accomplishment, realization that I should just let things go, it is all working out for the better. It takes only one thing to set a day off in the right direction. I plan on starting my days off the right way every time. I want to live a life worth living.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I wish that anything was balanced. I am so...I don't even know. I guess I am weeding out who I can really turn to. some people I am not sure of, some people have proven again and again that it is just one way and that is not something I want to deal with. I hate the feeling of being there for someone 100% and not getting the satisfaction or comfort of knowing I get that same luxury. Sadly, time and time again that is what I find in people and I am done with that. I know who my friends are, I know who to go to. Besides this, I want clarity. Not just with other people but with myself, what do I even want? I know that I want to be free. I want to just drive. I want to get in my car and drive with nothing but the perfect person to have in my passenger seat and the perfect music to go along with the ride. And I wish I could tell you the things I want to tell you without scaring you away. If there was a way for me to predict your reply, maybe I wouldn't be so scared. Or maybe I would tell you how scared I am. I got over it last time, who knows how I would do it again. I just want to live. No fear, No regret.
I start over tomorrow. I got this out. I needed to. All I need is one good conversation about everything that is wrong and I am set to start again. Too bad I don't know who to tell.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I want to feel weightless and that should be enough
I am so over all of this. Best Friends Means Friends Forever. well where the fuck were you. and if you think this is about you, it probably isn't. I am so done with feeling like it doesn't matter unless you are the one with the problems. STOP TELLING ME YOU MISS ME IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Why is it that when one aspect of my life gets better, the other gets worse.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
You are the light that brightens the world.
RIP <3
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I want someone to talk me down. I can't help it. I am trying so hard, to not text to not talk to him but i can't get him out of my head. Who knows anymore what is going on? No matter how many times I say that I will wait for you to text, the wait consumes me and I crumble. I wish I was stronger but no matter how many times I delete your number from my phone, i can't delete you. I want my baby back. I want your arms around me I want to be able to stop by your house randomly and just spend hours under the sheets just laughing at stupid things. I can't not text you or see you. We haven't even discussed any of what happened at all. I can't pretend anymore that I am ok.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I will write this down or you so you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it.
this all just hurts too much.
