Saturday, September 19, 2009
I wish that anything was balanced. I am so...I don't even know. I guess I am weeding out who I can really turn to. some people I am not sure of, some people have proven again and again that it is just one way and that is not something I want to deal with. I hate the feeling of being there for someone 100% and not getting the satisfaction or comfort of knowing I get that same luxury. Sadly, time and time again that is what I find in people and I am done with that. I know who my friends are, I know who to go to. Besides this, I want clarity. Not just with other people but with myself, what do I even want? I know that I want to be free. I want to just drive. I want to get in my car and drive with nothing but the perfect person to have in my passenger seat and the perfect music to go along with the ride. And I wish I could tell you the things I want to tell you without scaring you away. If there was a way for me to predict your reply, maybe I wouldn't be so scared. Or maybe I would tell you how scared I am. I got over it last time, who knows how I would do it again. I just want to live. No fear, No regret.
I start over tomorrow. I got this out. I needed to. All I need is one good conversation about everything that is wrong and I am set to start again. Too bad I don't know who to tell.
